What is “Mother’s Day” really about?

Picture: Svenja Plaas

Mother’s Day just passed… I bought some flowers for my mom and when I saw her, I threw some words where she was standing, “Happy Mother’s Day Mom”, as my own baby startet crying at the very moment. The thrown words came from my heart, no question, but not even touching, what I wanted to say.

I guess, it’s a little bit the same for all the facebook-posts or tweets or funny exclamations of love for the moms around the world, you could read on that day or if people missed it, one day later. People try to thank their moms on that medium. That was, when I started wondering, if their moms even follow, to know. Some send pictures, greetings, even songs on facebook, but for a lot of them, I know, their moms are not even on facebook or know how to use internet well. So what is it about? Are we supposed to klick “like”?

Is it about a narcissistic selfie or the funny – “I remember, I have a mom?” I am really trying to find the fragment of love here. If I imagine my own children posting about me in maybe ten years, I would love to tell them: “Pls, come and tell me, if it’s me, you want to say thank you.” Don’t get me wrong, I am using facebook too and I love posting about things, going on in daily life, but for mother’s day it got me somehow angry.

Why? Maybe because being a mom is not a job, you could ever quit – even when your children are grown. You don’t get payed, you don’ get awards, well you also don’t get fired – all you get – and that is wonderful – is the love you share with your children…. this love includes the being beaten, when you change cloth, the fighting, when you say “no”, the crying nights you sit next to you baby (also sometimes grown up ones) to make it sleep, the fear and happyness for any step your baby takes, the sicknesses you go through… and many more things.

The fact is, you can’t really say thank you for something like that. You did not choose to be your mother’s child and you had very little influence on her being your mom. (At least in the first years) Though you could appreciate what your mother maybe did, what you liked or that she decided to be your mom. I know my own words did not get close to what I would have loved to tell my mom at the very moment. And I would say, like I do for a lot of such days (woman’s day, lover’s day also called valentines day, …) that there should not be a need for such, because you need to appreciate woman or your partner not just once a year, but all days of a year. Concerning mother’s day, it’s somehow special, as we forget easily, that mother’s (and i don’t want to exclude the fathers taking the role of mothers) raise our children, the grown ones of tomorrow. So even just telling my mom thank you, is something what seems funny to me. Why just thanking our own mom and not also our wives or girlfriends and sisters for raising our babies, for caring and giving birth to our babies. Let’s not forget about the moms, who maybe never gave birth, but are still moms, as they decided to take over responsibility for children. Why are man mostly thanking their mother’s, but barely mention the work their women do to raise the own children?

Mother’s day in first place could be a day, where we appreciate especially our mom, but I think and give my big thank you also, to all the mother’s who are trying their best, to raise a child, wether it’s a male or a female mother, a biological or non biological one, wether it’s your grandmother or maybe your aunty!

No Summary

What is mother’s day about? Tell me, where you see the fragment of love. 

Changing my point of view

Changing yourself is never comming by force from outside. Changing yourself is a kind of enlightment you have to feel and the moment you see and feel the better for yourself of changing something, you will do things differently because you saw, it’s worth it. (Which doesn’t mean, that once in a while you fall back to old habits… it’s part of changing)

If you follow my blog already for a while, you know my love comes from a different culture and some problems which we face are cultural ones, some are problems many couples have. For a very long time, I suffered from our very different way of communication – which is mainly shaped by our different origins of culture – and a little bit by the family sourrounding we come from.

For me communication is part of our relationship, it’s like making love… a good talk can give you a stronger bond, as you feel how much you share. Making love also gives a strong bond, feeling how deeply you can be connected on a non-verbal way. (In case you are not the talkative one ;). ) At the same moment a good talk is one of the ways to confirm the relationship, especially when you are not together and sharing daily life. It’s the way to get yourself a hug, to get close, to know – what’s going on.

And than there are people who can have all this inside their hearts, making this dialogue to a monologue, because they can wait and their way of talking “love” is mostly done non-verbal. Everybody has it’s own way to handle distance.

This difference was getting back to me, again and again. Trying dialogue and not hearing the answering monologue made it sometimes really hard for me to understand, how love can exist like that. And it needed a lot of fights, discussions and later talks about it – how I feel, how my love feels, and what we both expect and think in exactly this situations. Anyway I still found myself in a lot of siutations, where I tried to “think it”, but it never really worked out, as my heart felt differently. … till the day came, that i experienced something new.

I changed my point of view on somethings, taken by daily life again and maybe more grown in some capacities, all of a sudden, I could hear the monologue as an answer on my dialogues. And I could sit quiet and wait… to hear the monologue becoming louder and more clearly to me. I don’t know jet, if my love could start understanding the dialogue at the same moment, but obviously it was mostly me having a problem with the way of communication, so to solve it, was also more interesting to me.

I assume, that one huge blockade was I myself. That some fears or voices inside me were talking to loud, to really listen to what I was supposed to hear. Now I know that to tolerate the difference between our different ways of communication is also part of the solution for that exact problem. And this is my changed point of few and the moment when I startet to hear, what I was supposed to hear.

See also To measure your treasure…

Summary:

Take your time to really put your finger on a problem which is comming again and again to disturbe you. Make sure you find out the original problem behinde the appearance… And try to work on it. Keep in dialogue about the problem. Don’t be to hard with yourself or your partner, some things come slowly and some things need you to develop some qualities before you might understand – like a computergame, where you have to collect something in level 2 to fight the enemy in level 4. 😉

The traces of love, we leave behind…

“Das einzige Wichtige im Leben sind die Spuren der Liebe, die wir hinterlassen, wenn wir gehen.” Albert Schweizer

“The most important thing in life are the traces of love, that we leave behind when we go.” Albert Schweizer

blog-69

What a beautiful and komplex quotation form a person, who was not just a brilliant genius but also a human being with a lot of life-philosophy to share.

The fragment of love reflects in all the small things we do and most of all in those which we do with love. My heart beats the very moment, I can engage people in thinking about life, love and theirselves. Too often our minds are just inside the box, which is well build by society, but finding ways to think out of the box, is where my heartbeat gets faster. Teaching students to believe in theirselves to choose that way of thinking, teaching people and force them to leave the comfort zone at least once, trying to push people beyond their limits, to face a new level – is my love I share. It also reflects in my writing and my photographs.

I guess people surrounding me and which I love the most, suffer from that kind of love I give. Once in a while maybe they hate it. I normally chase away strangers with this attitude, lovely are the once who stay.

Now I like to know:

What is your trace of love you leave behind, when you go?

When does your heart beat gets faster and long nights could come?

 

Looking for the fragment in daily life…

I lately read a blogpost that talked about “daily life” as the real spiritual way of life. The post said, that building structures for your life, which you keep for every day, is the true way of building your life.

That post really hit me, as I was always someone running away from routines, from daily life structures that come again – as one day is like the others. I considered routines even as the killing factor for love and relationship. I kept myself always busy to make something new, something different, to change, to create, to break out, to run away …

In deed, I still think routine could kill me or love, but not routine which is a structure in life. Routines, that fix us, like a photo become dangerous. The daily life should always stay open for changes, in case they come. However the routines work for us, why not.

I think, what I actually ran away from, was myself. I have been afraid of that I could not be enough, wether for myself nor for my love. Changing always, trying something new gives new challenges and new perspectives – but it was all a hiding from “I could get to boring” to myself or the person loving me.

Creating a daily life might not be a fragment of love, but it is a permanent shining of love. Building such a routine is a good sign, that you not just love the first exciting things, but the heart and the soul of your partner. You choose yourself which elements you keep, as you love doing them or which have to be changed. Why should you not jump out of the bed to have a coffee and find out about your favorite news first or why not jumping out of the bed and run for the work you love, before breakfast?

Love does not become boring, because you constructed your own house, where the two of you are comfortable – but love got a place to grow and spread its energy.

Summary: 

Build your routine, choose carefully and start loving it! 🙂

It’s worth to stay…

I hold on to the things I believe in, my faith, your love, our freedom.

Our society is determined by innovation, by the latest trends, by the day after tomorrow… Sometimes we loose the focus, because everybody and everything tries to catch our eye. Things are created the way, that you can’t stay satisfied for long, without going for the next thing. I refuse to always run for the next thing, just because the one I have, is a little old already or uncomfortable for the moment.

It’s not easy to stay on one thing, wether it’s love, relationship, your principles or your way of life. Very often the best advice from people is: “You should know what you want and how long you can take this.” … “You should know, what’s best for yourself!” … “Don’t forget about yourself.” This is not enough.

Difficult times always come in life. Difficult times always come in relationship. And I am not talking about the difficulties between two people (but it also could be that), but the one coming from outside. Times where you have to hang on and know it will get better, just not right now. Myself-therapy is to talk about it with friends. I need to share to get rid of negativ feelings and ideas. Unfortunately a lot of times I just get this kind of advices, which point out, that I should not stand the situation, but change it or drop it. Mostly I get quiet, as for me: It’s worth to stay. That means, you can’t always just decide what’s best for yourself. It’s not always about the very moment, but about a longer distance you have to endure. To hang on is also an effort, which is not easy to do.

I learned in Cameroon that it’s worth to stay, though you don’t know when things get better. Till now, it always was worth staying. Seeing people running restless from one new thing to another, playing the same games again and again, wasting energy on the never ending story… I just can be cool about it, because I compare for myself what I create with exactly that energy. And it’s beautiful. I see what I can get back from it and I just know: It’s worth to stay.

Summary:

Point out for yourself, what you want. Don’t let the outside come to your heart and determine you to change or to go and catch the next thing. Have faith, that holding on to something will pay in future times. You don’t need to think about a better option or the non plus ultra – just because everybody else does. Stay focused on what your life and love is really about. 

 

Like a bird and the wind

What picture do you have in mind, when you think about your love? Maybe a growing flower, a tree full of fruits, a thunderous river, a fragil heart…

I always think about a bird, which enjoys his covey a the very moment. It’s a sunny day, small good-weather clouds are there, but not disturbing the birds direction. The bird is beautiful and happy for the very moment, not chased, not chasing – just being. At the same moment there is wind surrounding the bird. The wind is the other component of the relationship. And at this very beautiful day the wind is taking the same direction like the bird. It’s strength is supporting the upswing of the bird and makes the covey easy and unique. Very important is the fact, that both are not depending on each other, but they are part of the one fragment of love and make it grow. The bird at the same moment is not an obstacle to the wind… We could continue to draw that picture… same direction… same moment… different experiences… powerful fragment of love…

Summary:

Create your own idea of love and partnership, but don’t fix it to hold it tight. Let it be an always changing picture of the love you carry inside yourself.

Love is a creating power!

 

„Love is the shaping of the chaos. Eros is the power to create beauty out of the unformed material.“ Plato freely translated.

(Ficino Marsilio: De amore. 2004, p. 23)

Plato describes love as the light, which turns the chaos to God as the good power. The chaos is turning into shapes and beauty is created by the good power of love. The classical (european) example: The sculptor is working on an unformed rock. He or she is creating beauty in forming the rock to a sculpture.

Another example which I really love… Imagine all the instruments, melodies and possibilities of creating a song. Imagine all the sounds and influences, voices and texts you could put in one song. Our Artist would be the one forming power in this example. Full of love for music or for somebody he could create a song out of all this, which is pure beauty. It’s this kind of song which is playing endlessly in your playlist. It’s that kind of song which is moving something inside your heart, which could make you cry, which you maybe share with one loved person, which brings you in just one second a lot of good memories or makes you feel love for your love – the very moment you are listening to the song. You have such a song, right? I have a lot. And it’s a wonderful fragment of love in my life.

Create something between you and a person you love. It overcomes any distance as it’s one thing you share.

Summary:

Share your love in creating beauty out of the chaos. It’s completely up to you, how to creat, just try to feel the love in your creation.