BreakDown as a break up from being down!

What we imagine one of the most beautiful moments in our lives, sometimes turn to be the most difficult and challenging ones. Why? Because our expectations have been high for those moments, they have been very different to the final outcome… These moments are not necessarily bad or terrible, just that we missed the beauty as we waited for a different shine to show up.

When I gave birth to my daughter, I thought I had barely no expectations. It was not my first child, so I knew already that you don’t know what is coming. The following weeks showed me, that I was actually full with them. Two weeks after birth, I had a total break down, which clearly uncovered one expectation after another. First of all, I had expectations for the birth itself, for the first two weeks after, for the following time after, I expected form my partner different work plans than he finally followed, I expected from my family different way of support, than I got… It was just too much for this first weeks.

All this got me totally to my limits and ended up in a break down. After some months now, I can look back and say, that my expectations were bringing me down, but it helped me in a lot of things, to break and get myself back on my feet. Why? Because in this moment of breakdown, I was forced to have a break from diplomacy. I stopped trying to always understand the other side and hold back, what I needed or wanted or just wished for myself, especially in my family. I expected this already as a normal behaviour from my surrounding, but I was just confronted with the opposite after birth.

The break down gave me the chance to be completely naked, wether I liked it or not, in front of the people, who are close to me. Love me and just accept the person I am or leave. For sure I was told: “What happened?” and “when will you be back on your strength”… meanwhile I told them: “I will be, when I am ready”, not when they want or need me to be.

Sometimes, I think my daughter finally forced me to stand up for myself – especially in my family. As loud as she is asking for love, food or care, I had to ask for my own needs. And it’s something I want to teach my kids as well, so if I might not have been able to do this consequently enough before, now I know how to do… Thank u my dear.

Summary:

Our most frustrating moments teach us a lot about ourselves. Just go back, watch, understand and take something out for yourself. And than leave the moment as a memory behind, don’t dwell on it and stay. 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s