Your love is my love…

Sometimes you have one of these days: Everything goes wrong, your colleague has to point out today what you don’t need to hear and a person on the street needs to disturb your fragil freedom, you don’t come home today, because you are out for work – though you want to come home badly and just close the door.

The only people I let close to me at those days is my family, my love. I just need a place, where I can be exactly like I feel after closing the door. For sure, these days when I can’t come home and try to call my love, I don’t get through because there is a network problem or he is busy and doesn’t pick the phone. I won’t continue to write, how that kind of days normally end… I just leave it to you.

… The days he is picking or I get through, I just love him for standing me the way I am and listening to all the small, small things I need to complain about. Telling him any little injustice which made that day to one of those days. You know your love is a good choice, if he is somebody who treats you exactly the way you need to be treated, to get back on your feet. For some people it might be a hard treatment: “Stop crying. Don’t let it get to you!” for some it might be the very nice comforting way: “My love, I understand. Tomorrow the day will be better, baby…”. It doesn’t matter how you need it, but that there are people who know what to do. And this people are real treasures. So keep them around, but don’t just call them when you are down. 😉

Summary:

Love is not just the big movie and romance you find in Hollywood. Love is also part of daily life. Love is not just the good days, but also the arms which hide you from the world, the day you feel like hiding from the world. If you found that pair of arms, you are one of the lucky ones. And it doesn’t have to be necessarily your love. Sometimes it’s your mum, your baby, your sister or brother or a very good person around you…

When it’s time to leave…

My last post was about the fact, that sometimes you just have to hold on in a difficult situation. But in some situations it’s also important to face the reality and you have to go on, wether you like it or not. To stay would just make it worse or keep you in a cage, so whatever is the result of you leaving, you should decide this for yourself.

For me there are some signs, when it’s time to pack up and leave:

1. Stagnation

When I get the feeling, that nothing keeps moving, that my heartbeat is too slow, that I have the feeling to shout out loud, but I stay quiet… I know something needs to change. When this feelings has been there already for a while and is getting a habit, it’s time to leave.

2. Everything is taken for granted

The small things you do for your love are taken for granted, is another one. If I do something for my love, because it’s him and I wouldn’t necessarily do it without him – but it’s not appreciated, a feeling is conquering me slowly. Drop it. Respecting each other for me means also to appreciate, what you are doing for each other in daily life.

3. Loosing the ability to “see you”

If your partner looses the ability to “see you” the way you are, with all your sorrows, your feelings, your thought, your little yours – because you become a fixed image of what you are used to be, it’s time to leave. Your love should always be somehow a reflection of you as well, and if just in reflecting you for yourself (while talking). But if he or she is reflecting a fixed image, it’s not helping yourself to see you. It creates a blurred picture of you, which keeps you captured. You should never fixe your partner in one image, let it flow and follow how it is changing everyday.

4. “I love you” become empty words

If you don’t feel the need to say “I love you” anymore or the moment you say it, you also could say “We need to buy milk”, it’s better to stay quiet. Just to reply because your love tells you “I love you” is already bad. However, if you say it without filling up this words with emotions, don’t use them.

If you notice this signs, it doesn’t mean necessarily, that your relationship should be ended or your love is over. But I think, it’s time to confront yourself with the situation and change somethings about it. Once in a while it’s good to leave, to give yourself space to breath, to see yourself again as an individual. Sometimes it’s time to pack up and leave, because love disappeared. The more you will keep your heart quiet, as it’s still not too bad, the more you will feel the need of a change. Sometimes your partner just got carried away by daily life and it’s good to focus again on what you share. Sometimes you keep on going for too long, than just one door is still open.

Summary: 

There are moments when we should come to a stop and analyze a situation. We should look careful, if we still behave like a lover and partner to our love and check on his or her behaviour as well. To state some things we don’t like or can’t stand is not the end of a relationship, but it should get us worried. Hence, we should start thinking about change, without being afraid of the outcome.

It’s worth to stay…

I hold on to the things I believe in, my faith, your love, our freedom.

Our society is determined by innovation, by the latest trends, by the day after tomorrow… Sometimes we loose the focus, because everybody and everything tries to catch our eye. Things are created the way, that you can’t stay satisfied for long, without going for the next thing. I refuse to always run for the next thing, just because the one I have, is a little old already or uncomfortable for the moment.

It’s not easy to stay on one thing, wether it’s love, relationship, your principles or your way of life. Very often the best advice from people is: “You should know what you want and how long you can take this.” … “You should know, what’s best for yourself!” … “Don’t forget about yourself.” This is not enough.

Difficult times always come in life. Difficult times always come in relationship. And I am not talking about the difficulties between two people (but it also could be that), but the one coming from outside. Times where you have to hang on and know it will get better, just not right now. Myself-therapy is to talk about it with friends. I need to share to get rid of negativ feelings and ideas. Unfortunately a lot of times I just get this kind of advices, which point out, that I should not stand the situation, but change it or drop it. Mostly I get quiet, as for me: It’s worth to stay. That means, you can’t always just decide what’s best for yourself. It’s not always about the very moment, but about a longer distance you have to endure. To hang on is also an effort, which is not easy to do.

I learned in Cameroon that it’s worth to stay, though you don’t know when things get better. Till now, it always was worth staying. Seeing people running restless from one new thing to another, playing the same games again and again, wasting energy on the never ending story… I just can be cool about it, because I compare for myself what I create with exactly that energy. And it’s beautiful. I see what I can get back from it and I just know: It’s worth to stay.

Summary:

Point out for yourself, what you want. Don’t let the outside come to your heart and determine you to change or to go and catch the next thing. Have faith, that holding on to something will pay in future times. You don’t need to think about a better option or the non plus ultra – just because everybody else does. Stay focused on what your life and love is really about.