Pic: By Tina Marohn: Multiperspektive
A relationship becomes a mirror, if we really open up to love. The picture we have to face in the mirror is not steady, it’s changing every time we face the mirror. And it’s reflecting all the fragments of our personality.
If you are really into love, you open up. The very beautiful parts of your personality come out to show up, because you don’t hide anymore. But also the very ugly sides show up, the very moment you could be hurt or attacked in exactly this nakedness.
” all of me loves all of you with all the curves and all the edges, all your perfect imperfections” John Ledgend: All of me.
If you are in a relationship with different cultural backgrounds you also face your perspectives on the world (western world – african world… a whole post to write about that again), values, codes and norms given by your society. All a sudden a normal understanding for what you call love or responsibility in your culture does not necessarily have to be the same in another culture.
In Germany for example you separate possession, especially in the beginning. If you want to marry your property belongs to the couple. In Cameroon possession belongs to both as soon as you are engaged in a relationship. If you try to keep something for yourself, while the other person needs it, it’s considered as selfish.
Sometimes the differences already start very early while dating. When you get close, first kiss, first sexual approach … how fast, how slow it goes – depend on cultural codes. Which signs are considered as signals to do the next step or to back off.
But when you are really into something, you will just start noticing how much values and norms from your own culture are deep inside yourself. Sometimes you can start a fight about, how often to call (–> How often to talk), how much time you spend together, which role you take (man – woman) or how to joke about something. As often I thought I am not really connected to my culture, being in a relationship with someone from a total different culture, just made me aware of how deep I am connected to my own culture. Facing this connection to your roots is a good thing. Because even if you want to change, it’s always important to know, where you come from. And for better or worse it also frees your perspective on the world.
Try to get aware of yourself. Face your beautiful sides and also your weaknesses. Don’t refuse things, which you consider as bad or ugly. It’s a part of you and makes you the person you are. But it’s important to not force the person you love into your expectations.
The huge benefit of this living and loving between cultures is the fact, that you open up. That you are not just put on rose-coloured glasses, but a whole spectrume of colours. Sometimes it changes more inside you, than expected or wanted. But it’s always worth staying openminded towards the other perspective.
But it’s also very fundamental to not skip a discussion because of cultural disaccord. To forget about the own needs because we justify every problem with cultural differences is not helping the love to grow. Things you can’t know or see clearly have to be spoken out, because where you come from is another place than your lover’s one. It’s necessary to make those things visible by language at least, if you don’t have it in your cultural heritage.